Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
