apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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