I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
