yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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