In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
