I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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