sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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