so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
