I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
