never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
