put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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