His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
