There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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