D3 body, D1 cock
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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