hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
