Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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