So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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