woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
