New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
