you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You ruined the universe
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize