don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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