I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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