feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
