So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like eating out sand paper
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
