Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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