we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
