i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
