He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
