All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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