My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
