I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
