this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
