Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
