Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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