I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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