hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
