I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
