i wish my penis had a tongue
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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