I wanna bring you to show and tell
The maid of honor just puked.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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