can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
