she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need a beard to bite.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
