You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
