Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
