I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
