I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
