you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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