How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
