Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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