what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
