Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
