I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
