my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
