I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
