I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
