hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
