My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
