i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
