When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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