it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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