Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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