a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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