I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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