youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
