Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
