goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
