They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
