I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
