my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
