I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
