In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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