Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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