My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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